Patriotisme or Humiliation

I spent the whole day today trying to find the real meaning of MERDEKA. We learnt about it in Form 3 Sejarah and we all know what merdeka is. On the surface, Merdeka means the independence of Malaya from British in the year 1957.

But as a Malaysian, do we know the real meaning of Merdeka? Do we know how much our forefathers had to go through to achieve this freedom we have now? Do we even care or want to care on how we should keep our country at peace so the past wont haunt us again.

Today while i was out, I saw a group of youngsters on motorcycles. With no intention to label anyone, my sister and I were embarrassed to see these youngsters or "rempits" roaming the city with the Jalur Gemilang on their back and cigarettes in their mouths. Its the fasting month. Did they feel no shame to go around on their bikes and humiliate their race and religion. As a Melayu i felt shameful for them. If this is their way of showing patriotism, might as well not show it at all.

Yes, i'm not the most perfect Malay in the world, nor am I the best Muslim, but i know where to cross the line. If I was a foreigner and saw that, I would question this country. Question its integrity and harmony. These people are putting other people's lives in danger. If you want to go on and die in the name of your motorcycle, go ahead without further a due, but other people want to live the lives God gave them.

I'm here just to point out that young Malaysians these days need to understand that Merdeka isnt just a game. The struggle and hustle that Tunku Abdul Rahman, Dato Onn Jaafar and Tok Janggut had to go through to protect this nation from communists and British. From the Japanese to the British. For over 500 years our country was colonized. And for over 52 years we have achieved independence. I still question whether to be a Malaysian is to just live here, or to know the real meaning of Merdeka itself, and proudly answer foreigners on how we have achieved what we have today. And to be even more proud to call ourselves Malaysians.


Truly,
A Malaysian

Thank You, Love

Thanks For The Hug Fathin!
i love you so so so much i would go through all the pain and suffering just to see you smile. i would jump an ocean full of sharks to hear you laugh. i would rather die than loose your love :D

I believe in angels,
The kind that heaven sends,
I am surrounded by angels,
But I call them friends.

Time, Why Do You Fly So Fast?

Here I am posting another blog,not realising that time is breathing down my neck!

The thing is, i just can't seem to digest the fact that its already frigging august/September. WTH! PMR is in October you know. FRIGGING OCTOBER. Which is like, 43 DAYS FROM NOW. dammit. I still remember my first day of form 1 in Ibrahim. OOO those were the days. People started hating me already! HAHA. whatever.

Yes, im not gonna swear*i hope* since its the fasting month. :D

I'd like to say sorry to whoever that i have hurt, in the past, now by this post, and in the future. Eventhough it's not Eidulfitr yet, but who cares. :) HAHA.

Back to PMR. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PMR! Why PMR? WHY? Why do you even exist? I mean, I can understand SPM. But what are you here for? What are you really here for? You should get a life you know, stop burdening all these teenagers. They want a life too. Not filled by all your syllabuses and calculations and formulas.

Gosh, i dont even know why im complaining. Maybe because im not one of those excel students in school where they get all the credit, even for something they didnt do. *groans* But they should get the credit right? Should they? NO! Yes? erghh i dont know. Never knew what it feels like to be one of those students. Im always being pushed and mocked by the teachers. Never the one to compare to. Maybe because i keep on writing on my blog. Who knows? Maybe they just hate me for some reason. If i wasn't who i am, i would really just........ *its the fasting month*

But, i really respect my besties. Eventhough they are who they are, they're really really smart. Like, how the hell do you guys study? Dammit man. I wish i could be like you guys. Im the only outcast. Like the only who doesnt get straight a's in the group. I gotta keep up with them. Peer pressure kills me. Its like my worst nightmare. I wish there was no peer pressure. I wish peer pressure didnt exist like PMR. But i think for some reason peer pressure has a good side. It gives you this competetive edge. To me of course, this competetive edge is on its surface. It floats, and never sinks.

Well whatever it is, I just want it all over and done with. I'll study as hard as i can. I'll try my best *sounds so cheesy when i say it* and work my a** off :D

Cheers for now

Then I Realised..

Trials is overrrr.wohoooooo! :D


tapi baru trialsja. tak PMR lg. damn.
i've got so much more to revise. and PMR is just like, 2 months from now. i really need to start working my ass off.

I just realised that i sucked my trials. it was shit. i didnt know anything. "yang ni kot jawapan dia."
"errrr, maybe this one. eh tak tak tak mungkin"

ERRRGGGHHHH. MUST STUDY EZA! MUST STUDY!


i need to prove to everyone that i actually can do it. i can if i try. ni effort pon tadak nak redha apa kejadahnya.

Kugan keeps on saying that im not gonna straight a's bla bla, thanks for boosting up my confidence kugan *rolls eyes*

bulan puasa ni, kena studyyyyy. kena rajen sikit. bulan puasa kan bulan paling mulia dan penghulu bagi segala bulan sepanjang tahun(soalan pmr ni)
haha. so i gotta start working mannn. PMR PMR PMR :D




p/s: happy bdae kak jum! we celebrated yesterday. me,atirah,azdi n atilia waited for her to come back. tunggu la kat toilet tu (tak plan pon kata nk tunggu dia. tiba2 nampak keta dia mai). semua serbu keta diaaa "HAPPY BDAE TO U,HAPPY BDAE TO U, HAPPY BDAE TO CKG JUM,HAPPY BDAE TO U" hehe, best kan best kan. then nad,fathin n amira n the whole form 3 block p nyanyi utk dia from our block boleh dgq smpai bilik guru. sweeeet kan kami ni. :D haha staiii. again happy bdae ckg, i pray for u n all ur happiness(bg la markah lebih sket utk trials) :D

Sadis

Terlalu Sadis Caramu
Menjadikan Diriku
Pelampiasan Cintamu
Agar Dia Kembali Padamu
Tanpa Perduli Sakitnya Aku

Tega Nian Nya Caramu
Menyingkirkan Diriku
Dari Percintaan Ini
Agar Dia Kembali Padamu
Tanpa Perduli Sakitnya Aku

Semoga Tuhan Membalas Semua Yang Terjadi
Kepadaku Suatu Saat Nanti
Hingga Kau Sadari Sesungguhnya Yang Kau Punya
Hanya Aku Tempatmu Kembali
Sebagai Cintamu

Hanya Aku Tempat Mu Kembali

Semoga Tuhan Membalas Semua Yang Terjadi
Kepadaku Suatu Saat Nanti
Hingga Kau Sadari Sesungguhnya Yang Kau Punya
Hanya Aku Tempatmu Kembali
Sebagai Cintamu

Hingga Kau Sadari Sesungguhnya Yang Kau Punya
Hanya Aku Ooo...
Sebagai Cintamu

Regret Never Comes Along With Guilt

Remorse.

I didnt mean to do this to you. I never thought you'd take it so seriously. I love you and you know it. But to me reality is never sweet. Im sorry and i really mean this. I didnt want to it, but i had to so you can see it.

How am i supposed to react to this situation?

your my best friend and i hope you understand. This situation im in doesnt seem to stand. Me and him are more than friends. And reality bites, thats the end.

I feel guilty for doing this to you. Regret comes in once in a while to add more into. I wish you could see what i really feel. My days here are not long enough, so please stand near.


bukan aku sengaja melakukan ini, tapi aku terpaksa. bukan aku mahu, tapi aku tak mampu. :( im sorry dear love. i had to be the devil. i had to think of my own self.

entah, masih ada lagi perasaan begitu terhadapnya. begini cara aku melupakan dia. bukan aku memperalatkan dia. cuma untuk kebaikan aku, kau jadi mangsa.

Mengapa begitu kejam dunia ini?

percayalah, aku langsung tiada niat untuk menyakitkan kamu. Aku juga rasa bersalah. Aku rasa seperti diriku ini manusia paling keji di dunia ini. Mengapa? Mengapa begitu susah untuk aku kenal pasti sama ada kau benar menerima keadaan ini. Atau hanya tugas kau sebagai seorang teman untuk menerimanya.

Is this an obligation for you to accept this? I cant tell. Yes, your lips say your fine. But i never know whats in your heart.

So The Vampire Loved The Lamb

Last night..

1.45 A.M. 7th August 2009.
another date to remember :D

Lately This Feeling

This feeling i have inside me. My hands shaking and my knees numb. Sometimes makes me wanna cry.

Somethings wrong with me. It hurts sometimes. Throbbing at the end of my fingers. Through classes. I cant hold on to my pen. I drop it sometimes. Tears start pouring down. Why is this happening. Whats wrong with me. I try to pick up my pen. My hands are too shaky, i loose it again. Whats causing this to happen.


Im not laughing. I try to hide it from everyone. I try to smile. Theres a part of my heart saying i should let it go. My mind says i should keep it together.

Death Is Breathing Down My Neck.

I feel weak. Emotionless. Horrid. Heartbroken of course. I dont think im over him yet. I thought that this will all me in my past. But i saw that night. I couldnt stop myself. My heart was beating faster. He looked at me. Faster and faster it went. Why is this happening? Why?

The picture. He still keeps it with him. Why? I thought its all over.