16 July 2008

Dream Come True. =)


SMKI DRAMA TEAM 2008. My life, My dream, My family

Alhamdulillah.

Thats all i can say. im so grateful i got best actress. its a dream come true. but what really upsets me is, i cant remember a single thing about that oh so special day. aku pon taktau kenapa aku tak ingat langsung. i do remember some things lah. but not in detail. all i remember is that morning, me n ellisya woke up late, got ready in under 10 minutes, picked up Putra, went to 7-11 sebab nak topup, arrived at school at about 5.20 i suppose, waited for cik mazlyana to come, she came late too.

Then pn vasanthi came, we put our make up on, i did Wei Hung and Dinyang's hair as usual, then pn vasanthi put on make up on me. Then somebody put make up on Wei Hung and made him look like a CLOWN. aiyo. that was the worst part of the morning. i couldnt even look at his face during our last sessions of practice. and pn vasanthi was like "dont worry eza,he's not a clown, he's a puppet" but in my head i had images of him killing me already. Yes, i have issues with clowns,dolls and puppets. but i overcame the puppet thing. just not the doll and clowns. =)

Oh, and we found out that Jordan, our music man was sick or something, so we had to call in Vijay, for last minute replacements. We were all afraid something might just go wrong. And praying for everything to go smoothly.

Cik mazlyana told me that morning, "you can get best actress eza." im like "never lah cikgu, i think you should tell that to erika.she deserves it more than i do." Before we got on the bus, a few good luck wishes and hugs were given from my dearest friends. Then we got on the bus, as i was about to listen to my ipod, pn shima told me to rehearse my lines with putra,since wei hung was doing it with pn vasanthi. so i did, then tiba2 i forgot my lines. and couldnt remember it at all, so i went to catherine and steve,cuz that scene involved them too, baru la ingat lepas cat cakap.fiuh.nasib baik gila. I was telling everyone who had lines with me to just go on with their lines if i forgot mine. I was never as nervous as this before.

Then we arrived in Keat Hwa (ii), berdoa non stop la. heheh. we were 3rd to perform. SMK Jitra first, then Keat Hwa (i) 2nd. Damn, there was this girl from keat hwa, damn hot. But, i kept cool, i have my amin. =) hehe.

After we performed, asma attack as usual, and went in the dewan, pn vasanthi had this look on her face that wasnt really making me relieved. lagi tansion lagi ada la. tapi takpala, i tried my best. Then we had to wait for the results. WAH! sgt mendebarkan masa tu. First they called all the schools to take the sijil penyertaan. Then placings. All 15 of us were on the floor,holding hand, hoping for what we were dreaming of all this while, Labuan. The announcer "and first runner up, SMK J" we were all screaming halfway, and remembered what our teacher said, dont shout yet till they say our name. "and first place, SMK IBRAHIM KMY!"
Oh that moment ment alot to me. I felt a feeling that i didnt feel often. the feeling that i pleased pn vasanthi. Then they announced best performer. I heard "Uncle August from team number 2" So i didnt really give a damn. Then suddenly "Rose Parker, from team number 3." i was like "huh? aku ka? betoi ka weh? and naveen was pushing me and telling me it was really me. hah. bodo gila. naik pentas mcm nak p jumpa clown,teragak2 ja. heh. i winked pn vasanthi, tapi dia tak nampak kot. i got down from the stage, and headed straight towards her to give her a big hug. =)

We had lunch with my mama, and she was like "haa, ni dapat best actress nk jadi pelakon ka." i was quite but i said to myself "kalau ada rezeki,apa salahnya.heh" And she talked to pn vasanthi about my studies la bla bla bla. and pn vasanthi had to make me promise her im gona study hard and all that crap. tapi i'll do it to make mama and pn vasanthi happy. =)

And, for Labuan, i hope to do it again, no wait, BETTER. and make pn vasanthi, pn shima, cik mazlyana,cikgu ramli, and of course my mama who's been ISHing since God knows when, happy.
SMKI NUMBER 1. =)

03 July 2008

when will they day that someone appreciates me come?

aku sangat tertekan pada saat ini.

boleke ni? aku rasa mcm takbole ja. fine2. im not gonna put my hopes too high for best performer. sbb memang2 confirm im not getting it kan. so, whats the use of me hoping for something i know im not gonna get. tapi at least, at least some praises. selama ini, aku denga ja org puji dia. aku? bila aku nk dipuji? bukan nya aku nk mintak, tp aku rasa cam tak dihargai tau. maybe its just myself, but, i dono, im just too pressured. i dont know why i feel so guilty.i dont know why im feeling guilty. was it my fault shes like this? tapi aku terlalu MANJA? WADAFAK?!! aku yg manja? weyh. tolongla. kau yg tak bole terima kritikan kan? aku pulak yg kena. ISH. i feel like i dont have a part in drama anymore. the limelights on her. and her alone. suma orang pon cakap camtu. kalau camtu, why dint i just kill myself yesterday? kenapa aku stop setengah jalan? sebab im not selfish. i think of others. and aku taknak la sebab aku ja, vasanthi rasa bebanan. aiyo. i feel guilty la babi!! i feel like im so useless. and worthless. heartless too. and oh so unappreciated.




bila aku nk sedar yang aku ni sangatlah berharga pada drama ini. aku masih tertanya2. adakah aku diperlukan?