The Best Revenge Is Living Well

I'm trying to get over him. I will.

*sighs* Who am i kidding? I still got him stuck in there! The more i hate him for what he did, the more i feel like wanting him back. Yeahh people ask me how i am and all. and i'll say im fine and im moving on and crap. But it still hurts inside, people. u cant expect me to get over an ex-boyfriend in 3 days now can you? I mean, it took 6 months the other time. but now its even worst. i love him evermore.

Sheessh! Schools almost over. Lets see, 4 more days to see Sarah? Yeah huh pretty much. AUWH DAMN! 4 FCKIN DAYS! well thats not much days now innit. Shit im gonna miss her bad. and now, with the condition of my unstable emotion, things are gonna get worst.

Dear Greg,
me and my ex boyfriend are in the same school. He's only nextdoor. I have to see him everyday. I'll be damned if i don't look my best. And let him know what he's missing out on. But what kills me is he doesn't even seem to care. I mean, he left me just like that without even giving me a F#*king reason. And it hurts to know that something so strong, is making me this weak. i cant get over him. What do i do Greg? I need help.
- Kherpala Tong Chai

Dear strong but weak,
what you need to do now is, prove to him that he's missing out on something good. Imma give u one sentence, all u need to do is stand by it. THE BEST REVENGE IS LIVING WELL. and tell him that loosing something strong like you, will make him as weak as an ass. ;) cheers.


Jangan kau pulang padaku,
Setelah kau tau hutangmu,
Jangan kau datang padaku,
Setelah dia kau bersatu,
Siapa sebenar aku padamu,
Dan bila tiada teman bermain,
Jangan kau datang padaku,
Itulah kamu.

I Hate This Part Right Here

this is the part where im gonna break down and cry..

It's over. Something that i wanted to last forever. I was stupid to actually think he was the one. I was an idiot in hoping for it to last longer. I just cant take these tears, i hate this part right here. There's a bright side to look at, but it hurts to much to even linger. I gotta do it. I gotta be strong. I never thought breaking up with him could be this painful. I love him. amin, im sorry kalau amin ada sakit hati ngn eza. selama ni,all these guys yang amin nmpk eza dok sembang dengan tu, tu semua kawan saja. eza hangout ngn diorang pon,sbb eza tadak perasaan kat diorang.and diorang tadak perasaan untuk eza. amin ngn maisarah laen. korang sama2 suka. and i know that. u can deny every bit of it. but its obvious in ur eyes. u want her right? Go for her then. But why didn't you tell me? Why did u have to give me hope during these 3 months. i thought u really loved me amin. i really did.

"eza.min dah tanak kapel ngn eza dah."
easy for u to say.you've already got her to replace me. but its alright. i'll cope with it.

The world slows down,
But my heart beats fast right now,
I know this is the end,
Where the end starts.

Im strong enough to handle this. I've got sarah elizabeth george. She'll be there. She's my sis. She's right there. ;)

already?

gosh i cant believe i miss them ALREADY

yea.yea.its hard to forget them. 6 months spending time together has filled an empty spot in my heart. and, i miss the puppets. everyday i'd be practicing with them. and im not afraid of puppets anymore. i even plan to keep Bobby Bleaker. but have to ask Wei Hung first lah. hehe. but anywaysssssss, life was good with them around. plus the teachers,pn vasanthi,cik maz,n pn shima. they rocked me! so here i am to say, i miss you guys like HELL! and life is nothing when it was over. and to the form 5s, good luck! you guys are the best. didn't enter class also still smart asses. heheh. and to joyce, maybe ur under stress or something, but i want you to know that i love you till this day, and ur gonna do well in ur pmr, trust me,i know you. =)

You Asked Me

You asked me.

You asked me if I loved you
came yes was my reply-
but with my tender heart I worry
about the tears in your eyes-

You asked me if I still wanted you
still desired your loving touch-
my reply was yes dear
you'll never know how much-

You asked me if I missed you
when you're not at home-
and without hesitation I replied
my loneliness won't leave me alone-

You asked me if I could go on
if we should ever part-
my reply was to you
it would surely break my heart-

You asked me what I would do
if my love you betrayed-
I told you in a whisper
I'd just turn and walk away-

You asked me if I would believe
if other's told me lies-
I told you I'd find the truth
hiding in your eyes-

You asked me if I'd tell you
that I'd fallen out of love
with you-
with a nervous smile I replied
that's something I'd never do.

this poem i found, and reminded me of her. oh how my heart teared, it tore into pieces. fara syazween, why? why did you come back? i tried to deny but it was a fact. im still in love with you, and you should know, this feeling i have,is sinking in low. something so strong shouldn't make me this weak, maybe that shows just how strong your love is. sometimes i ask, do i want you back? but even i did, would you? i cant forget you but i want to. i want to hate you but i cant. oh im so confused. well yea thats me. i need help,can you can help me? i need you,but do you need me?? =|

Its All About the Transvestites and Donkeys

okey im not done with the drama yet.

Now we all know that once in a while we all love the gay acting right. But now, i think its too much. I mean,ever since i entered drama, its either the gay or the transvestites are getting best performer. Like WTF PEOPLE. Last year,districts,a girl playing a guys role from SMK CHE TOM! states i forgot who and nationals was a guy playing a girls role from negeri sembilan. This year,districts,Farah Melydia, played the part of Prince Foremost or something, konon macam prince Charming lah, from SMK Sg Layar. States,Uncle August from SMJK Keat Hwa, best actor. AND NATIONALS,ANOTHER TRANSVESTITE,A GUY ACTING AS A FEMALE TEACHER.i mean,come on! stop with gayness already. what happened to all this straight and good actors like the girl from perak who played the old lady or the girl from selangor who was full of emotions. like damn man. what a waste of talent. then new people in drama will think like "oh,i have to be a bit of the opposite sex to get best performer." and people that get the straight parts, no matter how good they are at expressing themselves, they would be so devastated. i mean personally, i was,and i still am.even during states, just cause there was no other girl playing a guys part,so they said "hey,lets just choose the girly girl from kuala muda." ugh. so frustrating. =(

Nationals, a devestating defeat no one expected.

Yes, as some of you might know by now, kedah lost in the National Secondary School English Drama Competition. Heres how the whole drama came about.

We started around February 2008. The auditions, the choosing people. Kicking out people and looking for new replacements. Waiting for our McD, canteen food and Shen Yee's mum, aunty linda to bring food which most of the time I and Ellisya couldn't eat because its not halal. Skipping class and staying back for practice. All part parcel of our drama life.

TUP TAP TUP TAP,the letter for nationals came. Right before my maths exam. great timing right? yea. But what the hell. We were going to actually going to labuan. even the thought of labuan just sent chills down my spine with a little spice of excitement. We had to find a replacement for dear Joyce as she had to sit for the PMR trials. So we took Grace Chu Qing Wen, since she was last year's leading role. Grace was feeling guilty about taking over Joyce's part but we told her it was for the team,for Labuan,for Nationals. =)

Then the day to arrived. We gathered at school at 7.30 and did a last checkup of our props. All our parents and relatives help unload the props unto the bus. but the bus driver came late and we had to wait for him until about 9.30 or 10. So we all laid around till he came and got on the bus. A few goodbyes were said to our mummys and daddys. and also teachers son. *wink wink* hehe.

On the bus,i couldn't really sleep. The fright and cough mixed together was stopping me from sleeping like Ellisya. a constant thought of forgetting my lines on stage was haunting me all night.We arrived at KLIA around 6 in the morning and unloaded our props and put them on the trolleys. Imagine the looks people gave us when they saw all those big boxes and bags. We didn't care. We were going to win this. One for all and all for one right. We were checking in our things and I looked again at the checklist several times checking if all the props were present. Then we saw another team checking in. They didn't seem to have much props. Or maybe ours were too much. Hehe. Oh well, we all waited for our flight and met another team there. The Selangors. And i saw this oh so cute guy whom reminded me of Jinho form Sabah's team last year. His name is Riyal. But he seemed more intrested in Ellisya so i didn't care much. Pn Vasanthi told me to stay focus in my aim so i did.

After about two hours on flight, we arrived in Labuan. So we got down and took all our props. THEN, we couldn't find our smoke machine. SMOKE MACHINE PEOPLE! its the DAYUMN FACTOR for the imaginary scenes. Then after searching high and low, calling him and her, asking this and that. We still couldnt find it. We then headed to BETA apartment, an apartment that we were going to stay in for 4 nights. We had to mix around with the others states because we had to share our apartment with the other states. Me and Ellisya had to stay with the Kelantans and Labuans. We told ourselves we wont be the snobbish type. We'd be friendly and courteous. Then that night Pn Vasanthi said the Kelantan teacher wanted to change rooms with us. I was too lazy to get up and pack and told teacher what we'd move tomorrow night. Me and Lisya were to tired to even talk that night and dozed off while charging our phones.

The next morning we got up at 7 and went to Shen Yee's room. We then put our props on a trolley cik mazlyana stole from the hotel *He-He* and transported it to the auditorium. We got there and had our breakfast which was packed and cold and not so nice. =) SP food is better. then we started fixing our props. Eng Siang Steve and the guys started bolting in the frames. I helped cik mazlyana with the trolley and some other stuff. Around 12.30 we went for our Penyesuaian Pentas. It was horrible. We didn't know what to do, we didn't know where to put our props,NO WAIT.they didn't even prepare a place for us to put our props. just a small room for all the contingents. WTF?! did those people actually think all 16 contingents could put ALL their props in THAT room? gee, i could say, even KUALA MUDA YAN'S organizers were way better at organizing this thing.credits to them. =)

Back to labuan, after the penyesuaian pentas, we went back to our fixing our props. we finished around 5 something and went to eat pizza with our dear teachers Pn vasanthi n cik mazlyana. makan makan makan. we went back to our hotel. Me and ellisya went back and took our bags and moved to teachers room. While we were practicing in teachers room, a JPN officer came and said she has to crash in our room. So me and lisya had to sleep on the floor, in teachers room. HA HA HA! its not that often you get to do that right. Me and ellisya were disturbing pn vasanthi like crazy. whispering here and there, mengajuk dia cam gila. ahaha. and she'll always be saying "you girls are going to miss me you know.." hahaha. =) yes teacher.i miss you dearly.

The DAY finally arrived. We got up at 4.30 and got all dressed up. I couldn't look at all puppets cause i was scared of their make-up. But pn vasanthi cut some sense into me and i had to look at wei hung at last. I was a bit shaken by the makeup but held myself together for the teams sake. i just had to imagine i was someone else, ROSE PARKER, and wei hung was BOBBY BLEAKER, not a clown,an imaginary puppet friend who was there to help a friend in need.

Then we were up to perform. The lift door was open, n we took our props up. Kelantan was performing then, We put our props on each side. Then after Kelantan finished, we set up our props within 5 minutes. The timer started before we were ready. But we went on anyways. the team was awesome. we covered all our mistakes tremendously. even wei hung did awesome covering up. credits to wei hung. 20 minutes were done, and steve said we exceeded 48 seconds cause the timer started early. we cleared the stage and transported all our props downstairs, by STAIRS! it was hard to do,but as a team we did it. we went downstairs and took our lunch. we went back to the hotel cause we were too tired to watch the other teams.

When we got up is was already evening. We got headed to the auditorium for the result for finals. but on the way there, Jordan called, he said we didn't make it to the finals. i thought it was another prank of his. but then he talked to teacher and a gut feeling in me was saying "eh.he's talking to teacher. it cant be a prank.no way.this cant be happening". then we rushed to the auditorium.some other teams gave us the cold look which none of us understood why. when we got there, i took off my cap and saw catherine,grace,xin pei,mabel,shen yee,jordan,wei hung,ayam,eng siang,erika and divyang with dissapointed faces. then we saw steve coming down the stairs and said "we didn't get it. only penang,negeri sembilan, perak, melaka,selangor, and KL. and teacher was like "WHAT?! NEGERI SEMBILAN? THE GARBAGE BIN TALES?!" we were like" why what wrong????" she said "u have to watch it to know.tomorrow everybody watch the finals.and we watch how good they are. until we didn't qualify for the finals" i broke into tears. i couldn't control my tears. i mean,i couldn't digest this.it was something i couldn't accept. something so strong,shouldn't have made me that weak. the thought of cutting myself again came to my mind.i wanted to just throw everything away. i wanted to just bleed like never before.i wanted to jump off that building and forget everything. but my friends made me realised, i made a promise. and if i did start cutting myself,i'd just be dishonest to myself.

We then just started dismentalling our props. steve was outrageous and started to kick the frame. i could see the rage in his eyes.even the tears couldn't cover how mad he was with the result. Then the JPN lady said to me" Nak buat macam mana? dah kalah kan. kalau orang lain menang kita kena la kalah.kita terima ja keputusan. dah kita tak cukup bagoih kita kena tau la.kita jangan dok kata kita ni bagoih sgt. orang laen lagi bagoih dari kita, depa dapat la masok finals" i felt like kicking her ass and pushing her down the stairs. she wasnt with us for the past 6 months. suddenly she says it like she was with us all this while. like FUCK OFF BITCH we know we were good. and we deserve what we worked for bitch. and shut up and the the hell off motherfucker.

I have nothing more to say. We enjoyed ourselves after that. we went to the beach and drank some coconut,played volleyball with the selangors.we even spent the night with the Selangorians till 4 in the morning. Then we got to the Labuan airport and checked in. The Selangors were there too! Then we got on the flight and reached KLIA. There, that bitchy JPN officer got off and i said "THANK GOD I DONT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU AGAIN!" *he he he*. We got our props and headed down to the bus. There, i exchanged numbers with Riyal. =) weeee.

We got on the bus and headed back to SP. When we reached school, parents and even Vijay was there. We were all tired from the travelling and we still were talking about how unsatisfied we were about the results.

Oh well,im here to say, DRAMA TEAM, im gona miss you guys. especially the form 5. schools not gonna be the same without you. and teachers, without you, i wouldn't be what i am now. the strong bitch that is willing to sacrifice and be patient. drama has changed me. and i believe it has changed most of the team members. =)

Together we smile and cry, together we are champions,and together we are a family,a heartbeat, and a memory that i will never forget.i love you guys. =)

Nationals, Labuan, Drama, Conflict.

CHA!

damn man. we're going to labuan. its what we've been dreaming for all this while. SMKI NUMBER 1, LABUAN LABUAN HERE WE COME. that doesnt seem enough. now that we're actualy going to labuan, i could see that everyone just lost theyre mood. i mean, yea, i lost mine too. but sedar la wey, we'r goin to nationals. and we suck. personally speaking weh, wer not that good okey. and like, so many people are having high hopes on us. and wat vasanthi said just now about the pengetua,the school,hasani all those ppl sponsoring us its like, WHOA, WAKE UP CALL! we really need to work our asses off for this man. we have a chance in winning this. tapi so many problems. one after the other.tolong la guys, lets get our heads back together. remember how it felt winning districts n states? lets go through it again. last year announcing us as 4th placers was like, DAMN,BIAQ BETOI! we worked our asses off for that n we got 4th? like wtf man? but this year we have a chance ppl. a big chance. we can rule nationals. we can prove to those other states yang kedah ni bukan bodo piang tau. huah! nationals means so much. guys, i've been praying day and night utk dapat cahaya to win nationals!!! it means so muchhh!! argh! korang paham ah wehh. and its like,vasanthis last year. so mesti la dia nk tgk kita menang kan. and kesian steve aso, hes working damn hard for us. n hes taking spm this year. cam tak kesian ka kt dia? we gotta win this guys. and prove to the teachers that have been talking bad about us. we really need this man. we gotta prove it to them. CHA! common la cha. we the man ryte? ibrahim number 1 cha. drama team SMKI number 1. =) i love you guys forever. the team, the memories n the glory we had meant the world to me. =)