i have a new life.

been a while hasnt it.

lets start again. i have a new life. love=put aside, studies=focusing more. aaa.i've been wondering about my whole life this past few months and today, i realised, "heyy.why dont i just forget what hurts.and begin life with a fresh sweet smile. alright. fine. i was pissed a bit ja with the decision she made. so yea. im single. again. and it feels oh so good. but i think of the memories i had with her everyday,and she meant alot to me.but hell, life's gotta move on kan. she has, why dont i. so forget it eza. forget the other people on ur head. fara ka, zikri ka, amin ka,nisa ka. apa2 ja.hang memang bengong kalau hang buno diri sbb cinta.kan kan kan? whats important now is we'r all friends and im finnaly smiling again. but its not like life is complete. i still miss her. i still smile looking at her pics. fuck. i got my besties. ezrin,faten,wan.afiqah,wawa,nadia,che pah and of course my sayang abg royy! korang memang menggempakkan idop aku.sayang korang forevery weyh.

this is for nisa.

you where there when i needed you,
you where there when i was hurt,
i hope we're still friends,
i wanna see u smile coz u deserve to.
i'll be prayin for you,
and i'll be here for you,
coz what you did to me,
i will never get to be.

this is for zikri

i hope ur happy,
well i guess you are,
take care of my best friend,
coz she means the world to me,
i cant say no i dont love u,
maybe i still do,
but dont mind me,
im just being silly.

this is for ellisya,

kau buat aku gelak,
kau buat aku nangis,
setiap niat aku pada kau hanyalah ikhlas,
tanpa ragu2,
aku kan tolong kau,
aku kan doakan kau,
tapi cana pon,
aku tetap sayang kau.

this is for amin
wait.i cant say anythinng to amin.i love him till this day.

and lastly this is for kak fara

im glad your happy,
i dont ever wanna see u cry,
cheer up,the suns here,
to light up your life and whoever's in it,
im here,
always will be,
why would i after u broke my heart?
coz i love u,yes i still do.
i cant trust myself,
but in this i can,
you're blessed,
with bliss and love,
and forever u will be happy,
dont forget that book of yours,
i'd love to see it,
and remember i wrote this with a smile on my face,
coz u make me smile,from the bottom of my heart.
(this one sucks.sorry)

going,coming,i thought i heard ur voice,but no ones there.quickly im learning to smile again. i can live without you,but its gona hurt when it heals too.
since theres no more you and me, im gona let u go so i can be free. live my life how it should be. i'll be fine without u. but its gona hurt when it heals too.

SMK Ibrahim, a place u cant talk fluent english in. Yes. You CAN'T!

When i first registered in this school a year ago, i thought it was gonna b alright. Since it was a well-knowned school. Well i thought wrong. My first day, i didn't wear my tudungs because i was thinking there were alot of people like me yang akan masuk sekolah tu kan? haha. I was the only one! I arrived, and people gave me stares. Like, u know the type of stares that guilty people get for doing a crime of murdering. Yea, those type of stares.


Okay, my second problem. The stares, they were also given to us who can ACTUALLY SPEAK ENGLISH.. I mean, us Malays. I'm a Malay, and i talk to Chinese and Indians and all the other races. I socialize a lot. But, when a Malay talks to another Malay in English, its so wrong. People will say "weh. dia tu nak tunjuk dia boleh speaking". Dah aku boleh cakap, nak buat camna! Ang dengki pa sgt nak kutuk2 nie. Kan?

Alright, alright. Maybe i'm a bit over on this. But its annoying.. I like to hang with my chinese and in indian friends, is that so wrong? Its not like i forget my malay roots. Its not like im not admitting im malay. gosh. sometimes its so hard to be urself you know. especially in a place where i am..

wahai si pari-pari

tinggal lah pari-pari,
di mana kan ku cari pengganti,

tanpamu di sisi,
penuhilah dikau dgn cintanya,
kerna dia yang kan kau terima,

wahai pari-pari,
sayangilah dia,
kerna cintanya suci,
suci seperti kasih sang bidadari..