Anticipation

i dont like this feeling.
i dont like this feeling and the way its making me feel.
i dont like this feeling and the way its making me feel towards distress.

i feel like a creep,
a useless creep,
i want to feel special,
but i dont belong anywhere near them.

i want this pressure to stop pressuring me.
i want this feeling to stop making me feel this way.

i know im not what you wanted me to be.
but blame yourself,
you made me this way.
i could change myself,
but its hard.

i know im not the best,
im trying.
im trying to make you proud of me.
im trying to make other people proud of me,
not because of you,
not because of your name,
not because of your title,
or your post.

what the hell am i doing.

i cant lie to myself.
i dont like it at all.
im just trying to satisfy you.
but i just want to be me